Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Answered Prayers

Infertility really changes you. It robs you of the pure joy and excitement you should feel when you find out your pregnant. Even the joy of my boys doesn't take away the pain of infertility. Was it all worth it? Of course. Will the pain go away? Probably not, but that's ok. I want to remember what it felt to be so vulnerable. 

After we got pregnant with the boys, our specialist told us it could go either way with trying to get pregnant again on our own. With my specific issues, sometimes all it takes is the body being pregnant and experiencing all those hormones for it to get pregnant on it's own the 2nd time. I held on to this hope because I didn't think we'd be in a financial position for more fertility treatments ever again, even though we still had one little embryo left. We decided to start trying in May 2014 and if it didn't work after a year, we would try with our last embryo, if finances allowed us to. 

As you can imagine, we were very surprised and just as much overjoyed to find out that we were pregnant at the beginning of July. The joy quickly turned to fear because the first thought that came to my mind was my history of extremely low progesterone (the hormone that sustains pregnancy). I wasn't impressed with the on call doc at my regular OB's office so I texted my fav nurse and friend at the fertility clinic. She got me in immediately to check my levels. My progesterone was almost non-existent and we were told I needed to pray for a miracle and to not get too excited just yet. Over the next month, I went in 2-3 times a week for hormone checks and ultrasounds. That sweet fetus was just not growing like it should and no matter what we did, my progesterone level was not increasing hardly at all. I was so worried. I just couldn't be excited. 

Then, one day I went in by myself because Bryan couldn't get away from work and I begged the Big Guy for good news. I needed some glimmer of hope. And just like that, I saw the heartbeat. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. My progesterone was still low but had increased enough to put my doctor's and my mind at ease. We worked hard to keep that baby! My bathroom counter was covered inch to inch in all the hormones I had to take. I always imagined getting pregnant on my own would be so different. I would feel physically good and experience a "normal" pregnancy. That may not be the case, but God willing, I get to have another sweet baby fill my home with noise (because let's face it - my Lewis boys are noisy), love and laughter. And here is that sweet little angel baby...

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